a couple things on f-1 trillion
mostly how i wish it was bad
Post Malone’s new country album starts with the soft strums of guitars, a mandolin, and a fiddle somewhere in there too. He spits out the luxuries in his life, like a lift kit on his limousine or breakfast at Tiffany's, as the catalyst for this album. He describes sitting in a nameless, smoky bar, crushing beers, as Post Malone does, before barking “I got fuck-you money.” It’s a low-slung belt buckle of an opener, it’s distraught but self-confident in an area that Post Malone doesn’t necessarily have to be confident in – in fact it sounds like it could be performed in the same bar Post Malone describes. Guitars like dimmed lights push the song deeper when Tim McGraw suddenly steps into Post Malone’s spotlight and essentially just lists out his own song titles. It crescendos into a wave of the best session musicians Nashville has to offer. And that’s essentially the whole album for 17 more songs.
I am once again saying that Country Radio is back, baby. I’m not talking about Country crossover on Pop stations, I’m not talking about t-shirts that say something about Loretta kicking ass, and I am definitely not talking about MJ Lenderman’s fourth album, Manning Fireworks, out September 6th on ANTI Records. I am talkin’ about Ford truck drivin’, big hat wearin’, Bud Light crushin’, pontoon boat floatin’, Cowboys game hollerin’, Waffle House eatin’, lawn mower ridin’, farmer’s tan sportin’, rattlesnake boot kickin’, Country Radio.
And Grapevine, Texas’ own Post Malone is the latest to throw his trucker cap into the ring.
Post Malone’s debut, Stoney, came out when I was in my senior year of high school, living down the highway from exactly where he graduated. I really don’t want to understate how big he was. “I Fall Apart” lyrics were in Twitter bios and “Congratulations” was definitely played at my prom. On paper, he was part of the larger emo rap outbreak, but anecdotally in Dallas, people weren’t interested in that, they were interested in him.
From that year on, he was everywhere. He had a viral video every week, usually something along the lines of holding a Bud Light and singing along to the radio, he was in every music magazine talking about the tattoos that he had gotten in the past year, and he’s still the person that I associate with Mango Juul pods. Hell, I’ll even admit here that I stayed up for the release of beerbongs & bentleys in 2018. Actually, I just glanced at the soundtrack, honestly, everything here feels like a classic song. It felt so larger-than-life.
And then, I don’t know, he became A Person In Music. The catalyst was probably “Sunflower” ft. Swae Lee from the Into the Spiderverse soundtrack – that was the first song to ever go double diamond, an honor that promptly kicked Malone into a cycle of three forgettable albums with impossibly high streaming numbers. There was Hollywood’s Bleeding in 2019, where he wears a leather jacket on the cover (this was before he did the song with Tommy Lee), Twelve Carat Toothache in 2022 (which I can’t name a song off of), and AUSTIN, last year’s foray into a guitar-driven sound.
If I were to name what exactly he is, I think of him as a rockstar, like in the Axl Rose sense of the word, more of a lifestyle. But more than that, I think of him as someone who very badly wants to be popular and stay popular – he has always been very open about that. He has also been open about not wanting to be pinned down by genre. You can say a lot about his albums, but you really can’t say they all sound alike.
So, it makes sense, that if country is like the thing right now, that he would double down into it. And he did try his hand last year with AUSTIN, but that obviously didn’t get him invited to Stagecoach. If he was going to do country, the Self-Imposed Authenticity genre, he would need some credibility and something big.
I imagine the initial creation of this album in a very boring office boardroom in LA or maybe on a Zoom call from Post Malone’s compound in Utah. Someone, probably Post, says “What’s the most popular genre right now?” and a guy in a suit says “You know you do love that Militarie Gun and you were in hardcore bands in high school. Isn’t that popular?” and Post says “Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you. Militarie Gun is just rooted in hardcore. They’re doing more of a power pop meets Sticky Fingers thing. And yes it’s popular, but like in a Taco Bell commercial way. In a Think Piece way. In a mad on Twitter way. I mean what’s getting numbers, what's getting money.” And another executive is like “Eureka! Country!” and Post says “I already did a country-ish album, Smithers. It got middling reviews.” and the exec is like “Shhhhhhh…we try again……I have Blake Shelton’s number.”
And then they were interrupted because their Sweetgreen salads were delivered.
And they reconvened. They turn slowly in their swivel chairs, lethargic from their post-salad snackin’, slammin’ cherry limeade Poppis. Austin Post looks at the tiled ceiling and says “…Jelly Roll.” And an unmentioned intern scribbles that down. Exec #3 says “Dolly. Obviously.” Another one chimes in “Paisley” at the same time Exec #5 says “Luke.” This is written down. All of them look at each other and say “HARDY!” at the same time.
“But wait!” Post says, looking around the room. “How will people know I do country now?” And then the biggest chair in the room slowly spins around and reveals a previously unmentioned Executive, let’s call him the CEO of Record Company. He smiles and says “Oh Austin Post Malone, you’ve already done that. Remember how you’re on Cowboy Carter? And that Taylor Swift song? And how your last album has you in a pool on the cover and you’re also from Texas?” (and then the intern says “but Taylor doesn’t do country a-” but is cut off because he was yanked out of the room.) “People already think you do country now because you have been doing country. You are literally a Cowboys fan. And if they don’t think so, we’ll make them think so.” And then he presses an intercom on the desk and says “I need a Morgan Wallen song and Stagecoach spot STAT...a kinda headlining set ... .that's all country covers…” and then he pauses and says “and another Raisin’ Cane’s”
And then everyone evil laughs and scene. And while I am sure it was a blast to write and record, that’s how I think F-1 Trillion was born.
TL;DR: Country is a notoriously exclusionary genre and Post Malone seems to have figured out the exact steps he needed to take so people wouldn’t call him a poser, but at the same time, it made him very flat and this album seems to treat the genre as this code that can be cracked. I don’t think that reflects well on anyone. I also don’t doubt that Post Malone is a total country fan, of course he is, that isn’t my point here. My point is that I don’t think that love is reflected in F-1 Trillion at all. It’s pretty surface-level and pretty thematically predictable. That’s a bummer.
But I’ll pause, because like I said earlier, sometimes the album is great and I do have favorites:
“Finer Things “ft Hank Williams Jr.: getting Hank Williams Jr. to do a groovy little organ-led song that name drops F-1 Trillion is awesome, this is genuinely so fun.
“Have the Heart” ft. Dolly Parton: The Dolly song was never going to be bad but this seems to meld his country interests with her recent rock efforts. Total earworm.
“Pour Me a Drink” ft. Blake Shelton: I never thought I would say that the best song on any album was the one about the Cowboys but it’s so upbeat.
“Guy For That” ft. Luke Combs: One of two Luke features. This song combines Post Malone’s signature, wavering, miserable vibrato with Luke Combs’ endlessly rich growl and it's simply delicious.
“Nosedive” ft. Lainey Wilson: I did not like her contribution to the Twisters soundtrack, but I really like this one. It’s so Post Malone.
But then it gets weird! Just weird! Past the shallow nature of the project, several songs seem to try to almost repent for his prior songs and lifestyle, apologizing for things that I don’t need to be apologized about, like drinking and drugs and partying. (I think he does need to send personalized apology letters to several women though.) It’s almost like he is trying to humbly create a clean slate as if he isn’t one of the most well-documented celebrities on Planet Earth. But then it’s also inconsistent, several songs on this album are exactly about the fun of parties and whiskey, which makes me feel like I accidentally saw his hand.
Instead of being personal, which his music often fairly is, many of the songs feel like they were born from a list of country music tropes that someone jotted down before the writing sessions and he is crossing off something on the list for each song. A song about how beer is cool, a song about how beer is not cool, a song about breakin’ hearts, a song about endless love and guns, a song comparing yourself to the Devil, a song calling yourself a loser, a song about having fuck-you money, and of course, a song for a wedding. This is so stadium country that you might as well have a song about your girl leaving you because you’re a bad country guy and driving away in her old car. Oh wait, that's “Goes Without Saying” ft. Brad Paisley. It’s just. I think that this does a disservice to everyone involved, it's not personal but it's not not personal, it's not storytelling but it's not not storytelling. It feels like it's just hit-making, and it's not very country, and not very fun.
I guess the most frustration I have is that after all of that, the album isn’t bad. In fact it’s pretty good. And that’s what makes it bad. It feels overly premeditated, his whole foray into country feels overly thought out, and ultimately it makes everything feel overly cautious. Like if I were trying to make my country debut, I would also try to get Billy Strings on the line for a reliable banger and a reliable song to point to that says I know my shit. I would also spend millions on the best session musicians Nashville had to offer, even though the sound I am asking them to play is nothing they haven’t done before. I would also pay for an album of almost entirely features while burying my 3 solo songs in odd places on the tracklist, which doesn’t make me seem anxious about this project at all. It’s a predictable and void album when it doesn’t have to be. I really wanted it to be a fun kind of weird and re-energize the pop country music moment we’re in. Instead, I think it blended itself in perfectly, scared of failing, and I am left with an album that could be seamlessly added to any July pool party playlist.
Trying to end on an optimistic note, I think it’s another great compilation of where pop country is right now and that might be how it's remembered. When I reviewed the Twisters soundtrack, I called it a great time capsule of 2023 Country Radio. I think this is a great time capsule of 2024 Country Radio. And I think that the collaborations Taylor Swift selects for her re-recording of her debut album will likely be the final time capsule of this particular moment before it collapses. Maybe Zach Bryan will finally end up on one of these.